Reblogged this on The Life of a Teenage Agoraphobic Nerd. Thank you for writing this. A reaction to them happens, only because we don’t have the self-awareness and presence of mind to stop ourselves from reacting, and instead, witnessing the emotion rising and falling. The negative comments someone makes is about them, and not you. Instincts tell you that you are better off doing something that makes you happy, than doing something that makes others happy but makes you miserable. Here are a few pointers on how to not let things people say bother you. Found inside – Page 153Do not superstitiously say ambiance makes you feel anything, as ambiance has no voodoo powers to make you feel. ... Do not superstitiously say you let people bother you; you have your own mind, and you make your own choices for it. Try to put things into perspective. And more often than not, your instinct will tell you that although it is so much better to dwell on every negative comment thrown your way, you are better off thinking about more positive things, because you just might end up regretting all the hours you wasted on other people’s comments about you. She's trying to get attention and that annoys me. Step 2. Change ), You are commenting using your Facebook account. You know those people. Once you've reached a place of complete acceptance, you can move on to the second step. ( Log Out /  Today’s practice: How do you not let people’s words and opinions affect you? You need to stop and ask yourself “what kind of person am I becoming?”. Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. This is OK but there are times when what people say about us leaves a lasting impact on our mood or even our self esteem. Pettiness is not the same as setting boundaries or ensuring you don't let things escalate. In one of Buddha’s stories, he encounters an evil man who tried to verbally assault, ridicule and demean him. Found inside – Page 126If hooked into a game with a withdrawn Shadow who plays Don't Bother Me, you could say something like, ... If hooked into a game with a Pacifier who plays Let's Not Rock the Boat, you could say something like, "I'd prefer not to fight, ... In fact, it's a good thing. https://www.focusonfreedoms.com/tip-10-sticks-and-stones, thank u it makes me feel so much better. That is trauma, this is me. If you don't get something done, or if you let someone down, you'll wake up tomorrow, and it'll be fine. 160 synonyms of bother from the Merriam-Webster Thesaurus, plus 247 related words, definitions, and antonyms. Only the people who are closets to you know your true value. My name is Daniel Branch, I am a life long learning enthusiast and strong believer in we shape our own reality. Found inside – Page 271“You shouldn't let what other people say bother you or control what you do,” Cal told him, though he knew that was tough to do when you were a kid and all you wanted was to fit in. He and Maddie were having a tough enough time grappling ... No one is. An ignorant person is not someone who ignores you. Found inside – Page 355... “My lord the king, let the blame rest on me and my father's house; and not on you and your throne - let it be guiltless. And the king said, if anyone says anything to you, bring his name to me, and he will not bother you again. Allow yourself to feel your reaction. Found inside – Page 96But what I'm saying is somebody knows . And how do you know they're not gonna turn on you ? Doesn't that bother you ? FM : Mmm . RH : Doesn't that bother you that somebody over there knows ? Let's , let's say they make somebody a deal ... So instead of making them liable for the entire wound, I find it is more valuable to look at your wound and honestly share with them where it came from, why what they are saying to you isn’t helping you to heal that wound, and what you need to do so. Here are five ways to not let difficult people ruin your day. Yet, as Warren Buffet wisely says, “You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. Found insideMaybe if someone like you was someone he could look up “Then what? You'd think he'd change? ... let me tell you, Suede, you don't.” “Well, agreement or not, I'm not going to stop being his friend. ... “Don't even bother,” Ted said. ( Log Out /  Imagine ripping the emotions off this tree, and seeing the well-defined branches with all the information of the situation hanging on the tree in a clear and clinical way, which will give you insight into what to do next. With greater peace within us, and helping others to heal themselves of their own wounds, imagine what a world that would be. A strong self esteem is one of your best defenses if you want to avoid the negative effects of what people around you are saying about you, your actions, or things you said. Found insideDo you ever get angry if you have to stop in the middle of something you ' re doing to eat dinner or go to school ? Does it sometimes bother you to share your things with your friends ? ... Are you always polite to older people ? N 5 . Once again, using the email example above, you can respond in a composed and logical manner to your colleague, and set up a call or in-person meeting to calmly discuss the situation and improve your future communication, even if you don’t agree on something. An entire day. People like to talk, and it's hard to blame them for it. Don't assume to worst when something bad happens. If we know ourselves, including the beautiful parts and the ugly wounds, no one’s words can ever affect us. If you prefer to communicate via email/text/chat/other channels, then let him/her know too. I'm so afraid that people will think I am annoying, I go out of my way to make sure they don't feel that way. Hopefully these tips will make a big difference. Fuck those people. You said there was a chance you'd be able to move on. This can help you to stop caring so much. Friends are also there to give you constructive, genuine feedback. A strong self esteem is not created overnight. Listen to the people who matter. In order to change something, you should start with changing yourself first and the way you look at things. Immediately the mind casts a spell on the rock to make it appear permanent, continuous, gold. But at the end of the day, the issues between you and your partner are still there, reminding you that you're trying to fix something that might be unfixable. I am sure that you didn't mean to sound so arrogant, right? It is not your job to make an unhappy person happy. If you allow events bother you too much, give thought to which aspects of . I would walk right up to that co-worker and ask "Ok, <name>, what's your deal with me?" You might learn something about yourself. You might feel so bad that you allow yourself to believe what was said even if deep down you know it isn't true. Some words for us have more emotional charge than others because of what we’ve experienced in the past or connotations we have heard them used in. The key is to focus on the logic of the situation, which is separated from your emotions and feelings. Realize that you're not a mind-reader. verb. Are you walking around hurt and upset? To sum it all up, we need to learn to be kind to ourselves and to others. I believe that people give us pain in order to help us heal the unhealed parts of ourselves so we can become stronger. In this section we will uncover some very interesting concepts about what happiness is and how to achieve it. to do no work at all. Found inside – Page 82and to cut her ties with something unhealthy that caused her much pain. ... empty handed, without anything palpable. People say, "Don't worry, you can have another child. This was just a passing experience, don't let it bother you. You may be able to guess to a certain extent, but you will never get beyond a 70% accuracy rate, so stop yourself going down that dangerous road. Annoying people are everywhere. Tell them that you're super tired and just in a crabby mood, so you're sorry for not being completely there in the conversation. So, using the email example above, when you mentally divorce yourself from your immediate emotional reaction, you can perhaps see that the person who sent the email is frustrated because of “so and so…”, and, putting yourself in their shoes, you can choose to see if there was something you can learn from the situation in order to improve your communication with this person and so on. It means reminding yourself that you have control—you aren’t under someone’s power unless you allow it. Found inside'It's just that you visit us less and less,' said Molly. 'Shay was only saying so the other ... 'It's not because I don't want to,' sh said. ... you,' said Molly. 'When you love someone you don't have to keep doing things to prove it. That's a good policy. As the saying goes, “ain’t nobody got time for that!”. Found inside – Page 88He said, “Jayne, don't bother with that. He obviously needs a fix very badly.” I called Synanon because he was obviously crazy, and by now I knew he was a hopeless drug addict. They said, “I'll tell you what. We'll lay you a bet that if ... As long as you know who you are and you know where you are headed, none of these things should matter to you. There's a certain expectation that a friend shouldn't do that. You must make a conscious effort to let go what other people think. The key thing to ask is why does that person bother you? Many studies have shown that real friendships are useful in the development of a person’s self-esteem and sense of self. So if you’re human, you’ve likely allowed the words to land and hurt you. There is an adage that . We must look into our own wounds to see where they stem from, why what the other person is saying to us is affecting us, and look for what we can learn from this. a classmate of mine used to say bad words and swear at me all day but now I know that she herself had difficulties. Sometimes you may sleep better than normal or have a stroke of luck that puts you i…, Top 15 Best Personal Development Authors of All Time, 12 Reasons Why Daily Complaining Is Ruining Your Life, 10 Things Entrepreneurs can do to Recharge after Burnout, The Top 12 Things You Need To Know To Start A Successful Business, 8 Reasons Why Your Exercise Program Failed and What to Do About It, Cheapest and Best Quality E-Liquid with Free Shipping - Click Here. As for this guy, you shouldn't give him more of your . Don't associate with control freaks, friends who make you say "I'm wasting my time," and other people who are toxic. Let’s face it: people can be too much at times. Change ), You are commenting using your Twitter account. Develop a strong self esteem. You are not their problem solver. This can help you to stop caring so much. Replay in your mind, in a calm, peaceful room, the conversation or situation that caused the distress. If she says "you're just a douche and I don't like you", you nod and cheerily say "Fair enough! Visualize this: imagine a scary, ugly, toxic tree with all your negative emotions and attitudes. My post received lots of comments, and this blog post is dedicated to all of the amazing individuals who contributed their wisdom: Julia, Shawn, Raymond, Kritisch, Ling, Chirag, Aditya, Sura, Rese, Lauren, Jenny, Susan, Nabeel, Julie, Gabrielle, and Tin. 1. So after interrupting them, saying "Sorry for bothering you" is the right way to respond for the interruption that took place. This way, you become more like them. Never once does our feeling, needs, trouble enter their mind. E.g. There may be some people you can't, like your coworkers, but your friend circle is something you can control. Dr. Caroline Leaf 4. You'll save a lot of energy in life choosing not to let things you can't control bother you. She also used . Sorry to bother you, but there's a call for you on line two. 3 [transitive] to interrupt someone; to talk to someone when they do not want to talk to you bother somebody Stop bothering me when I'm working. This boy is saying rude words to me everyday such as ur worthless and shit. Emotions are largely uncontrollable to the extent that they will occur whether we want them to or not. They cut in line, are rude to you in the office or at the restaurant . When you are faced with a toxic person or situation, the best thing you can do is STOP, allow some time to pass, and do a 5-step “mental autopsy”.